Nora Schwartz: “The simulator keeps saying: ‘Go back and adjust your difficulty settings’… but it was already set to beginner.”

This week, the entire Choice One crew headed to Caddy’s, a golf-themed bar and restaurant, for our quarterly offsite meeting and a Monday afternoon “par-tee” for our United Way Campaign celebration. We ate lunch, talked business, and then bravely stepped into the world of virtual golf. And by “bravely,” we mean “with wildly misplaced confidence.”The golfing results? Let’s just say the simulator had some thoughts. Nora’s experience summed it up best: despite being set to beginner mode, the simulator still suggested she might be in over her head. Unfortunately, there’s nothing below beginner—unless you count “spectator.”

To be fair, our past golf experiences haven’t exactly prepared us for greatness. We’ve putted around the office and once developed an indoor golf game that used a sledgehammer in place of a club. So when faced with a simulator that expected actual technique, we were… unprepared.

 

Tyler, pictured here mid-swing, was one of a few who actually knew what he was doing. The simulator didn’t question his settings. Nora, meanwhile, expertly avoided any photographic evidence of her performance. A wise move: when the simulator suggests you might be worse than a beginner, it’s best to leave no trace.

Matt Hoying: “Kari didn’t like Spaceballs.”

Gasps were heard. Jaws dropped. Somewhere, Mel Brooks felt a disturbance in the Schwartz.

After returning from our Lexington company trip last week, Graphic Designer Kari casually mentioned she didn’t love Spaceballs, the 1987 sci-fi parody that’s long been a staple of Choice One company trip bus rides. For those unfamiliar, Spaceballs is a spoof of Star Wars—complete with characters like Dark Helmet, Yogurt, and a villain named Pizza the Hutt. It’s absurd, quotable, and deeply beloved by many of us.

And yet… Kari didn’t love it.

Despite this cinematic betrayal, we managed to carry on with our Lexington trip. We visited horse farms, held a Fowling tournament (which is somehow not bowling or football but both?), toured Keeneland, scavenged through a winery, tasted bourbon like professionals (read: not professionals), and sang our hearts out at karaoke (that’s Kari on the right in the photo, belting “Redneck Woman”).

In the end, while Kari may not appreciate the comedic genius of Director Mel Brooks or the timeless charm of a half-man, half-dog named Barf, we still love her. Even if she’s more The Proposal than Pizza the Hutt.

Choice Mindsets: “A Trip Down Memory Lane””

Choice One in the Las Vegas airport, 1997.

Today, many of us from Choice One are headed to Lexington, KY. If you didn’t know, we take a trip together once every two years over a weekend to hang out with each other, meet spouses/guests, and make some long-lasting memories. Indeed, it’s easy to reflect on the completely uneventful history of Choice One travel. After all, we’re a well-oiled machine when it comes to logistics, punctuality, and quiet evenings in hotel rooms… right? Let’s take a stroll down memory lane: ·     Las Vegas, 1997: Jeff Kunk nearly missed the flight home, proving that blackjack and time management don’t mix. ·     Louisville, 2013: We thought we saw ghosts in underground zipline caves. ·     Pittsburgh, 2021: We were extra glad our buses had bathrooms when we got stuck in a four-hour I-70 traffic jam. ·     Ann Arbor, 2015: We overwhelmed a tiny hotel bar with a 50:1 guest-to-bartender ratio. The bartender probably still wakes up in a cold sweat. ·     Cleveland, 2019: We found rats in an alley and some of us saw Baker Mayfield at a hockey game. Browns fan Mitch Thobe, whose back was turned, remains unconvinced. So what’s in store for Lexington? Will our bus survive? Will we find another celebrity in an unexpected place? One thing’s for sure: we’ll make memories, whether we plan to or not.

 

Inquiring Mindsets: “Caption this photo of Andy Shuman.”

“Is this the coffee shop?”

-Craig Eley, Traffic Engineer

 

“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s just a Choice One survey drone*.”

-Troy Niese, Project manager

 

“Why do cats land on their feet but toast always lands butter-side down?”

-Holly Fannon Accountant

 

“He looks like someone dropped him in a Call of Duty map.”

-Becca Getts, Project Engineer

 

“When you dress for a casual stroll but accidentally end up supervising a construction site…”

-Brian Goubeaux, Designer

 

“I’m here to reinforce the vibe, not the concrete.”

-Brittany Clinehens, Recruiting/HR

 

*Yes! Choice One offers licensed drone surveying capabilities!

Dane Sommer: “First pitch scheduled for 3:34pm.”
Allen Bertke: “Stealth bomber flyover at 3:33pm?”

Another Friday afternoon, another random Choice One contest. This time? Engineering co-op and Trine University pitcher Tyler Stueve was challenged by engineer Dane Sommer to a little bit of baseball. Naturally, we all paused to enjoy the sunshine and witness the showdown.

From the batting helmets to the catcher’s gear, this wasn’t just a casual contest in the parking lot. This was a full-blown, semi-professional, borderline-MLB event. There were warm-ups. There were stretches. Dane prepped with four chicken sandwiches, one protein muffin, and some chocolate milk. Was there a flyover? Probably, but obviously we couldn’t see a plane with “stealth” in its title.

In the end, Dane got a questionable hit that may or may not have gotten past the second baseman—if there had been a second baseman in the field. It’s unclear who won the contest, but one thing’s for sure: it was a spectacle. Best of luck back at Trine this fall, Tyler—if you can survive a Choice One “official” baseball challenge, college ball should be a breeze.

Kendra Peterson: “I haven’t even been here for a month, and the spammers are using my email?!”

Kendra, our new Loveland-area Business Development and Municipal Relations Specialist, hasn’t even hit her one-month mark at Choice One, and already she’s made it “big”—as in, big enough for scammers to target a brand-new Choice One email account.

It didn’t take long for a bad actor to impersonate Kendra in a spam email to our HR administrator Brittany. Thankfully, the scam didn’t fool anyone. Adam Gill stepped in quickly to let Kendra know about our very real and definitely binding HR policy: “Anytime someone pretends to be you in a spam email, you have to bring in doughnuts. It’s a recent update we made in the employee handbook.” (Not sure if that clause was also spammed to HR, but we’re looking into it.)

No pressure Kendra, but in case you were wondering, most of us like sprinkles. And cream filled. And also the ones with frosting and little crumbles on top. So welcome to Choice One. You know you’re officially part of the team when you’re brought into the doughnut economy.